very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize