it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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