I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
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Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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