You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize