I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
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He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
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Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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