I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
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I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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