Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is dick and wine.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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