I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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