i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize