I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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