im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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