I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize