I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
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Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
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There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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