she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
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I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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