Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we're making bets on your personal life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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