Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
only you would photoshop your dick
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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