I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Found the puke drawer
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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