its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Randomize