Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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