i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize