at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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