my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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