Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize