you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize