I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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