I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize