a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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