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i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
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