You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
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It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
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Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
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