I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
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You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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