she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize