why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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