i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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