i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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