rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
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You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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