New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
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I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I did not marry a roomba.
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