the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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