So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize