I wish I could teleport
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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