have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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