Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
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Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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