Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
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Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
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90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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