If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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