I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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