Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize