oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
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Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
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She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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