he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
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Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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