I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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