I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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