cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize