Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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